FROM THE BEGINNING

This was the first thing I bought when we started trying to get pregnant.  It was going to be a Christmas gift, to surprise the family with our BIG news. I was certain that we had gotten pregnant on our honeymoon. If only it would have been that easy.

After 2 years of no sign of a pink line, the Christmas gift became a constant reminder of my inability to get pregnant.  So, those gifts found themselves a space on a shelf in the garage, collecting all of the dust.

Days turned into months and months in to years. I started telling friends and family that we had decided that we didn’t want kids. I would convince myself that “their” lives looked so chaotic, and ours was so easy and uncomplicated. I hid the truth that, really, I yearned for that chaos.

After two, yearly scheduled, PAP visits, my doctor ordered an ultrasound to see if there were any visible issues. Luckily, there weren’t. Unfortunately, this meant there was still no reason for our infertility. Next, we scheduled a visit with our first fertility doctor (he was referred to us by one of my best friends). He suggested a few rounds of IUI. I scheduled my first round the next week. February 14, 2012.

The first round was unsuccessful.  I remember sitting in my closet after peeing on the E.P.T.  I made Dominick check for the results.  I still can’t imagine what it was like for him to have to tell me what he saw. “What does one line mean?” 😔

Right before my second round of IUI, my ovaries were overstimulated and they found a cyst. That round was cancelled and I decided to give my body a break.

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