We did everything we were “supposed” to.  We dated for years before we took the next step.  He asked my dad for his permission for my hand in marriage.  He got down on one knee.  We were engaged for the “right” amount of time.  We got married with all of our friends and family there.  We made a promise to God and each other.  I wanted to be married to him for a year before we started trying, but the world was telling me I was running out of time.  So we started right away.

So, how did we get here?

Now, my husband has to see me cry and can’t fix it, my family doesn’t know how to act around me, and my friends are afraid to ask.  Everyone walks on egg shells.  I’m the last one to find out about pregnancies; they hesitantly send me birthday party and baby shower invitations.  I tell them that I’m OK; but I know they see right through me.  Can I blame them?  Every pregnancy announcement cuts a little deeper.  I swear to GOD, every woman in Target is pregnant; and just to add a little twist to the knife, they are usually dragging a toddler around while complaining about something like “having #2under2.”

I’ve had about enough that I can take and I’ve heard about all the advice I can hear.

“Just relax, it will happen.”
“You need to stop stressing out about it.”
“All in God’s timing.”
“Have you ever considered adoption?”

My spirit is broken.

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